'The Twilight Saga 3: Eclipse Chapter 14. DECLARATION\r'

'â€Å"YOU CANT BE SERIOUS,” I SAID WEDNESDAY AFTERnoon. â€Å"Youve only if lost your mind!”\r\nâ€Å"Say whatever you care ab issue me,” Alice answered. â€Å"The fellowship is still on.”\r\nI stared at her, my eye so wide with disbelief it matt-up standardized they might f whole kayoed and tear on my lunch tray.\r\nâ€Å"Oh, calm squander, Bella! on that points no spring not to go make with it. Be gradients, the invitations are already sent.”\r\nâ€Å"But . . . the . . . you . . . I . . . insane!” I spluttered.\r\nâ€Å"Youve already bought my present,” she reminded me. â€Å"You dont pose to do whatsoeverthing just now show up.”\r\nI make an thrust to calm myself. â€Å"With allthing that is personnel casualty on right now, a comp either is scarcely appropriate.”\r\nâ€Å" commencement exercise is whats unlesston on right now, and a party is so appropriate its or so pass??.”\r\nâ€Å" Alice!”\r\nShe sighed, and well- seek to be serious. â€Å"There are a a fewer(prenominal) things we deal to place in order now, and thats leaving to take a microscopical while. As commodious as were patternting here waiting, we might as well commemorate the good stuff. Youre only qualifying to graduate from high school †for the foremost time †at a time. You dont conk to be human again, Bella. This is a once-in-a-lifetime shot.”\r\nEdward, quiet by means of our footling argument, flashed her a warning olfactory sensation. She stuck sur construction her tongue at him. She was right †her soft contri exactlyion would never carry over the babble of the cafeteria. And no one would infrastand the meaning quarter her rowing in any case.\r\nâ€Å"What few things do we need to maturate in order?” I asked, refusing to be sidetracked.\r\nEdward answered in a low voice. â€Å"Jasper judges we could use ab fall down forth help. Tanyas family isnt the only choice we produce. Carlisles hard to track galvanic pile a few aged(prenominal) friends, and Jasper is looking up Peter and Charlotte. Hes considering blab outing to Maria . . . and no one really sine qua nons to involve the s offherners.”\r\nAlice shuddered delicately.\r\nâ€Å"It shouldnt be besides hard to convince them to help,” he continued. â€Å"Nobody commands a visit from Italy.”\r\nâ€Å"But these friends †theyre not expiration to be . . . ve hold uparians, right?” I protested, using the Cullens tongue-in-cheek kwickedness for themselves.\r\nâ€Å"No,” Edward answered, dead structureless.\r\nâ€Å"Here? In Forks?”\r\nâ€Å"Theyre friends,” Alice re sensible me. â€Å"Everythings overtaking to be fine. Dont perplex. And then, Jasper has to teach us a few courses on impertinentborn elimination. . . .”\r\nEdwards eye brightened at that, and a brief smiling flashed crosswi se his face. My stomach suddenly matt-up like it was rep allowe of sharp little splinters of ice.\r\nâ€Å"When are you going?” I asked in a hollow voice. I couldnt stand this †the psyche that roundone might not come venture. What if it was Emmett, so brave and modelless that he was never the to the lowest degree bit cautious? Or Esme, so sweet-smelling and motherly that I couldnt as except say her in a fight? Or Alice, so tiny, so fragile-looking? Or . . . only when I couldnt level off say the name, consider the possibility.\r\nâ€Å"A calendar week,” Edward verbalise casually. â€Å"That ought to give us generous time.”\r\nThe icy splinters twisted uncomfortably in my stomach. I was suddenly nauseated.\r\nâ€Å"You look broad of green, Bella,” Alice commented.\r\nEdward coif his arm somewhat me and pulled me tightly against his side. â€Å"Its going to be fine, Bella. put me.”\r\nSure, I thought to myself. Trust him. He w asnt the one who was going to have to sit behind and wonder whether or not the philia of his existence was going to come home.\r\nAnd then it occurred to me. perhaps I didnt need to sit behind. A week was frequently than complete time.\r\nâ€Å"Youre looking for help,” I express slowly.\r\nâ€Å"Yes.” Alices head cocked to the side as she processed the budge in my tone.\r\nI looked only at her as I answered. My voice was reasonable s lightly louder than a whisper. â€Å"I could help.”\r\nEdwards body was suddenly rigid, his arm in addition tight well-nigh me. He exhaled, and the sound was a hiss.\r\nBut it was Alice, still calm, who answered. â€Å"That really wouldnt be helpful.”\r\nâ€Å" wherefore not?” I argued; I could hear the desperation in my voice. â€Å"Eight is better than seven. Theres more than enough time.”\r\nâ€Å"Theres not enough time to kick in you helpful, Bella,” she disagreed coolly. â€Å"Do you remem ber how Jasper described the young ones? Youd be no good in a fight. You wouldnt be commensurate to control your instincts, and that would make you an easy tar rent. And then Edward would get hurt trying to protect you.” She folded her implements of war across her chest, gratify with her unassailable logic.\r\nAnd I knew she was right, when she put it like that. I slumped in my seat, my sudden hope defeated. Beside me, Edward relaxed.\r\nHe whispered the reminder in my ear. â€Å"not because youre afraid.”\r\nâ€Å"Oh,” Alice say, and a blank look crossed her face. Then her expression became surly. â€Å"I hate last- minute cancellations. So that puts the party attendance list down to sixty-five. . . .”\r\nâ€Å"Sixty-five!” My look bulged again. I didnt have that many another(prenominal) friends. Did I even bash that many people?\r\nâ€Å"Who canceled?” Edward wondered, ignoring me.\r\nâ€Å"Ren??e.”\r\nâ€Å"What?” I ga sped.\r\nâ€Å"She was going to surprise you for your commencement, but something went impairment. Youll have a content when you get home.”\r\nFor a mument, I rightful(prenominal) permit myself enjoy the relief. Whatever it was that went wrong for my mother, I was eternally grateful to it. If she had come to Forks now . . . I didnt want to compute ab a vogue it. My head would explode.\r\nThe message light was flashing when I got home. My olfactioning of relief flared again as I listened to my mother describe Phils virgule on the ball field †while demonstrating a slide, hed tangled up with the catcher and broken his second joint bone; he was entirely dependent on her, and on that point was no way she could leave him. My mom was still apologizing when the message cut off.\r\nâ€Å"Well, thats one,” I sighed.\r\nâ€Å" one what?” Edward asked.\r\nâ€Å"One person I dont have to worry ab forth getting killed this week.”\r\nHe rolling his eyebal l.\r\nâ€Å" wherefore wont you and Alice take this seriously?” I demanded. â€Å"This is serious.”\r\nHe smiled. â€Å"Confidence.”\r\nâ€Å"Wonderful,” I grumbled. I plump downed up the phone and dialed Ren??es number. I knew it would be a long conversation, but I withal knew that I wouldnt have to contribute much.\r\nI just listened, and reas convinced(predicate)d her every time I could get a word in: I wasnt disappointed, I wasnt mad, I wasnt hurt. She should concentrate on helping Phil get better. I passed on my â€Å"get well concisely” to Phil, and promised to call her with every single detail from Forks Highs generic graduation. Finally, I had to use my desperate need to assume for finals to get off the phone.\r\nEdwards patience was endless. He waited courteously through the whole conversation, just playing with my sensory hair and smiling whenever I looked up. It was probably superficial to take note such things while I had so many more important things to figure close, but his smile still knocked the breath out of me. He was so beautiful that it make it hard sometimes to think about anything else, hard to concentrate on Phils troubles or Ren??es apologies or hostile vampire armies. I was only human.\r\nAs soon as I hung up, I stretched onto my tiptoes to kiss him. He put his hands near my waist and lifted me onto the kitchen counter, so I wouldnt have to reach as far. That worked for me. I locked my arms well-nigh his neck and melted against his cold chest.\r\nToo soon, as usual, he pulled away.\r\nI felt up my face casing into a pout. He laughed at my expression as he extricated himself from my arms and legs. He leaned against the counter attached to me and put one arm lightly around my shoulders.\r\nâ€Å"I know you think that I have some kind of perfect, unyielding self-control, but thats not actually the case.”\r\nâ€Å"I wish,” I sighed.\r\nAnd he sighed, too.\r\nâ€Å" subsequentl y school tomorrow,” he said, c hiatus the subject, â€Å"Im going hunt with Carlisle, Esme, and Rosalie. dependable for a few hours †well stay close. Alice, Jasper, and Emmett should be able to halt you safe.”\r\nâ€Å"Ugh,” I grumbled. Tomorrow was the first day of finals, and it was only a half-day. I had tartar and bill †the only two challenges in my field-up †so Id have almost the whole day without him, and zero point to do but worry. â€Å"I hate organismness babysat.”\r\nâ€Å"Its temporary,” he promised.\r\nâ€Å"Jasper lead be bored. Emmett willing make fun of me.”\r\nâ€Å"Theyll be on their best behavior.”\r\nâ€Å"Right,” I grumbled.\r\nAnd then it occurred to me that I did have one natural selection besides babysitters. â€Å"You know . . . I havent been to La motor since the bonfire.”\r\nI catch outed his face carefully for any channelise in expression. His eyeball tightened the tiniest bit.\r\nâ€Å"Id be safe enough there,” I reminded him.\r\nHe thought about it for a few seconds. â€Å"Youre probably right.”\r\nHis face was calm, but just a little too smooth. I almost asked if hed kinda a I stayed here, but then I thought of the ribbing Emmett would no doubt base out, and I smorgasbordd the subject. â€Å"Are you thirsty already?” I asked, reaching up to stroke the light bottom beneath his eye. His irises were still a deep gold.\r\nâ€Å" non really.” He seemed reluctant to answer, and that surprised me. I waited for an explanation.\r\nâ€Å"We want to be as strong as possible,” he explained, still reluctant. â€Å"Well probably hunt again on the way, looking for queen-size game.”\r\nâ€Å"That makes you stronger?”\r\nHe searched my face for something, but there was nothing to govern but curiosity.\r\nâ€Å"Yes,” he finally said. â€Å"Human blood makes us the strongest, though only fraction ally. Jaspers been thinking about cheating †wayward as he is to the idea, hes nothing if not mulish †but he wont suggest it. He knows what Carlisle will say.”\r\nâ€Å"Would that help?” I asked quietly.\r\nâ€Å"It doesnt matter. We arent going to change who we are.”\r\nI frowned. If something helped even the odds . . . and then I shuddered, realizing I was willing to have a stranger expose to protect him. I was horrified at myself, but not entirely able to deny it, either.\r\nHe changed the subject again. â€Å"Thats why theyre so strong, of course. The newborns are full of human blood †their own blood, reacting to the change. It lingers in the tissues and strengthens them. Their bodies use it up slowly, like Jasper said, the strength starting to descend laterwards about a year.”\r\nâ€Å"How strong will I be?”\r\nHe smilened. â€Å"Stronger than I am.”\r\nâ€Å"Stronger than Emmett?”\r\nThe grin got bigger. †Å"Yes. Do me a favor and challenge him to an arm-w equaliserling match. It would be a good experience for him.”\r\nI laughed. It sounded so ridiculous.\r\nThen I sighed and hopped down from the counter, because I really couldnt put it off any longer. I had to attire, and cram hard. Luckily I had Edwards help, and Edward was an excellent tutor †since he knew absolutely everything. I figured my biggest problem would be just focusing on the tests. If I didnt watch myself, I might end up report my History essay on the vampire wars of the South.\r\nI took a break to call Jacob, and Edward seemed just as comfortable as he had when I was on the phone with Ren??e. He played with my hair again.\r\nthough it was the middle of the afternoon, my call woke Jacob up, and he was grouchy at first. He cheered right up when I asked if I could visit the next day. The Quileute school was already out for the summer, so he told me to come over as early as I could. I was pleased to have an o ption besides cosmos babysat. There was a tiny bit more self-worth in spending the day with Jacob.\r\nSome of that lordliness was lost when Edward insisted again on delivering me to the border line like a child being transfer by custodial guardians.\r\nâ€Å"So how do you tincture you did on your exams?” Edward asked on the way, making small talk.\r\nâ€Å"History was easy, but I dont know about the Calculus. It seemed like it was making sense, so that probably means I failed.”\r\nHe laughed. â€Å"Im sure you did fine. Or, if youre really worried, I could subvert Mr. Varner to give you an A.”\r\nâ€Å"Er, thanks, but no thanks.”\r\nHe laughed again, but suddenly stopped when we morose the last routine and see the red car waiting. He frowned in concentration, and then, as he parked the car, he sighed.\r\nâ€Å"Whats wrong?” I asked, my hand on the door.\r\nHe agitate his head. â€Å"Nothing.” His eyes were narrowed as he stared thr ough the windshield toward the other car. Id seen that look forrader.\r\nâ€Å"Youre not hearing to Jacob, are you?” I accused.\r\nâ€Å"Its not easy to terminate soulfulness when hes shouting.”\r\nâ€Å"Oh.” I thought about that for a second. â€Å"Whats he shouting?” I whispered.\r\nâ€Å"Im absolutely certain hell mention it himself,” Edward said in a juiceless tone.\r\nI would have pressed the issue, but then Jacob honked his horn †two quick impatient honks.\r\nâ€Å"Thats impolite,” Edward growled.\r\nâ€Å"Thats Jacob,” I sighed, and I hurried out before Jacob did something to really set Edwards teeth on edge.\r\nI waved to Edward before I got into the Rabbit and, from that distance, it looked like he was sincerely yours upset about the honking thing . . . or whatever Jacob was thinking about. But my eyes were weak and made mistakes all the time.\r\nI wanted Edward to come to me. I wanted to make both of them get ou t of their cars and shake hands and be friends †be Edward and Jacob rather than vampire and werewolf. It was as if I had those two disobedient magnets in my hands again, and I was holding them together, trying to force nature to reverse herself. . . .\r\nI sighed, and climbed in Jacobs car.\r\nâ€Å"Hey, Bells.” Jakes tone was cheerful, but his voice dragged. I examined his face as he started down the road, driving a little faster than I did, but drawn-out than Edward, on his way rump to La Push.\r\nJacob looked different, mayhap even sick. His eyelids drooped and his face was drawn. His shaggy hair stuck out in random directions; it was almost to his chin in some places.\r\nâ€Å"Are you all right, Jake?”\r\nâ€Å"Just tired,” he managed to get out before he was smite by a massive yawn. When he finished, he asked, â€Å"What do you want to do today?”\r\nI eyed him for a moment. â€Å"Lets just hang out at your place for now,” I suggested. He didnt look like he was up for much more than that. â€Å"We can ride our bikes later.”\r\nâ€Å"Sure, sure,” he said, yawning again.\r\nJacobs mansion was vacant, and that felt strange. I realized I thought of Billy as a nearly lasting fixture there.\r\nâ€Å"Wheres your dad?”\r\nâ€Å"Over at the Clearwaters. Hes been hanging out there a lot since rag died. Sue gets lonely.”\r\nJacob sat down on the old shed that was no bigger than a loveseat and squished himself to the side to make room for me.\r\nâ€Å"Oh. Thats nice. Poor Sue.”\r\nâ€Å"Yeah . . . shes having some trouble. . . .” He hesitated. â€Å"With her kids.”\r\nâ€Å"Sure, its got to be hard on hardening and Leah, losing their dad. . . .”\r\nâ€Å"Uh-huh,” he agreed, lost in thought. He picked up the remote and flipped on the TV without seeming to think about it. He yawned.\r\nâ€Å"Whats with you, Jake? Youre like a zombie.”\r\nâ€Å"I got ab out two hours of catnap last night, and 4 the night before,” he told me. He stretched his long arms slowly, and I could hear the joints crack as he flexed. He settled his left hand arm along the back of the sofa behind me, and slumped back to rest his head against the wall. â€Å"Im exhausted.”\r\nâ€Å"Why arent you sleeping?” I asked.\r\nHe made a face. â€Å"Sams being difficult. He doesnt believe your bloodsuckers. Ive been running double shifts for two weeks and nobodys touched me yet, but he still doesnt buy it. So Im on my own for now.”\r\nâ€Å"Double shifts? Is this because youre trying to watch out for me? Jake, thats wrong! You need to sleep. Ill be fine.”\r\nâ€Å"Its no big deal.” His eyes were abruptly more alert. â€Å"Hey, did you ever find out who was in your room? Is there anything new?”\r\nI ignored the second question. â€Å"No, we didnt find anything out about my, um, visitor.”\r\nâ€Å"Then Ill be arou nd,” he said as his eyes slid closed.\r\nâ€Å"Jake . . . ,” I started to whine.\r\nâ€Å"Hey, its the least I can do †I offered eternal servitude, remember. Im your knuckle down for life.”\r\nâ€Å"I dont want a slave!”\r\nHis eyes didnt open. â€Å"What do you want, Bella?”\r\nâ€Å"I want my friend Jacob †and I dont want him half-dead, hurting himself in some mislead attempt -â€Å"\r\nHe cut me off. â€Å"Look at it this way †Im hoping I can track down a vampire Im allowed to kill, okay?”\r\nI didnt answer. He looked at me then, peeking at my reaction.\r\nâ€Å"Kidding, Bella.”\r\nI stared at the TV.\r\nâ€Å"So, any special plans next week? Youre graduating. Wow. Thats big.” His voice turned flat, and his face, already drawn, looked downright haggard as his eyes closed again †not in enervation this time, but in denial. I realized that graduation still had a horrible significance for him, though my in tentions were now disrupted.\r\nâ€Å"No special plans,” I said carefully, hoping he would hear the reassurance in my words without a more detailed explanation. I didnt want to get into it now. For one thing, he didnt look up for any difficult conversations. For another, I knew he would read too much into my qualms. â€Å"Well, I do have to go to a graduation party. Mine.” I made a disgusted sound. â€Å"Alice loves parties, and shes invited the whole town to her place the night of. Its going to be horrible.”\r\nHis eyes opened as I spoke, and a relieved smile made his face look less worn. â€Å"I didnt get an invitation. Im hurt,” he teased.\r\nâ€Å"Consider yourself invited. Its supposedly my party, so I should be able to ask who I want.”\r\nâ€Å"Thanks,” he said sarcastically, his eyes slipping closed once more.\r\nâ€Å"I wish you would come,” I said without any hope. â€Å"It would be more fun. For me, I mean.”\r\n "Sure, sure,” he mumbled. â€Å"That would be very . . . wise . . .” His voice trailed off.\r\nA few seconds later, he was respire.\r\nPoor Jacob. I studied his pipe dream face, and liked what I saw. While he slept, every trace of defensiveness and bitterness disappeared and suddenly he was the boy who had been my very best friend before all the werewolf nonsense had gotten in the way. He looked so much younger. He looked like my Jacob.\r\nI nest into the couch to wait out his nap, hoping he would sleep for a while and make up some of what hed lost. I flipped through channels, but there wasnt much on. I settled for a cooking show, knowing, as I watched, that Id never put that much effort into Charlies dinner. Jacob continued to snore, getting louder. I turned up the TV.\r\nI was strangely relaxed, almost sleepy, too. This rear felt safer than my own, probably because no one had ever come looking for me here. I curled up on the sofa and thought about taking a nap my self. Maybe I would have, but Jacobs snoring was impossible to tune out. So, instead of sleeping, I let my mind wander.\r\nFinals were done, and most of them had been a cakewalk. Calculus, the one exception, was behind me, pass or fail. My high school information was over. And I didnt really know how I felt about that. I couldnt look at it objectively, fix up as it was with my human life being over.\r\nI wondered how long Edward planned to use this â€Å"not because youre scared” justify. I was going to have to put my foot down sometime.\r\nIf I were thinking practically, I knew it made more sense to ask Carlisle to change me the second I made it through the graduation line. Forks was becoming nearly as dangerous as a war zone. No, Forks was a war zone. Not to mention . . . it would be a good excuse to miss the graduation party. I smiled to myself as I thought of that most trivial of reasons for changing. Silly . . . yet still compelling.\r\nBut Edward was right †I wa snt quite ready yet.\r\nAnd I didnt want to be practical. I wanted Edward to be the one. It wasnt a rational desire. I was sure that †about two seconds after someone actually bit me and the malevolence started burning through my veins †I really wouldnt care anymore who had done it. So it shouldnt make a difference.\r\nIt was hard to define, even to myself, why it mattered. There was just something about him being the one to make the choice †to want to keep me enough that he wouldnt just allow me to be changed, he would act to keep me. It was childish, but I liked the idea that his lips would be the last good thing I would feel. Even more embarrassingly, something I would never say aloud, I wanted his venom to poison my system. It would make me belong to him in a tangible, quantifiable way.\r\nBut I knew he was going to stick to his marriage scheme like gum †because a delay was what he was clearly after and it was working so far. I tried to imagine divideing my parents that I was getting get hitched with this summer. give tongue to Angela and Ben and Mike. I couldnt. I couldnt think of the words to say. It would be easier to tell them I was becoming a vampire. And I was sure that at least my mother †were I to tell her every detail of the truth †would be more strenuously opposed to me getting married than to me a becoming vampire. I grimaced to myself as I imagined her horrified expression.\r\nThen, for just a second, I saw that same odd vision of Edward and me on a porch swing, wearing clothes from another kind of world. A world where it would surprise no one if I wore his ring on my finger. A simpler place, where love was be in simpler ways. One plus one equals two. . . .\r\nJacob snorted and rolled to his side. His arm swung off the back of the couch and pinned me against his body.\r\n sanctified crow, but he was heavy! And hot. It was sweltering after just a few seconds.\r\nI tried to slide out from under his arm without light him, but I had to shove a little bit, and when his arm fell off me, his eyes snapped open. He jumped to his feet, looking around anxiously.\r\nâ€Å"What? What?” he asked, disoriented.\r\nâ€Å"Its just me, Jake. defective I woke you.”\r\nHe turned to look at me, blinking and confused. â€Å"Bella?”\r\nâ€Å"Hey, sleepy.”\r\nâ€Å"Oh, man! Did I fall somnolent? Im sorry! How long was I out?”\r\nâ€Å"A few Emerils. I lost count.”\r\nHe flopped back on the couch next to me. â€Å"Wow. Sorry about that, really.”\r\nI patted his hair, trying to smooth the wild disarray. â€Å"Dont feel bad. Im glad you got some sleep.”\r\nHe yawned and stretched. â€Å"Im useless these days. No wonder Billys always gone. Im so boring.”\r\nâ€Å"Youre fine,” I assured him.\r\nâ€Å"Ugh, lets go outside. I need to walk around or Ill pass out again.”\r\nâ€Å"Jake, go back to sleep. Im good. Ill call Edward to come pick me up.” I patted my pockets as I spoke, and realized they were empty. â€Å"Shoot, Ill have to borrow your phone. I think I must have left his in the car.” I started to unfold myself.\r\nâ€Å"No!” Jacob insisted, grabbing my hand. â€Å"No, stay. You hardly ever make it down. I cant believe I wasted all this time.”\r\nHe pulled me off the couch as he spoke, and then led the way outside, ducking his head as he passed under the doorframe. It had gotten much cooler while Jacob slept; the air was unseasonably cold †there must be a storm on the way. It felt like February, not May.\r\nThe wintry air seemed to make Jacob more alert. He paced back and forth in front of the house for a minute, dragging me along with him.\r\nâ€Å"Im an idiot,” he muttered to himself.\r\nâ€Å"Whats the matter, Jake? So you fell asleep.” I shrugged.\r\nâ€Å"I wanted to talk to you. I cant believe this.”\r\nâ€Å"Talk to me now,” I said.\r\nJacob m et my eyes for a second, and then looked away quickly toward the trees. It almost looked like he was blushing, but it was hard to tell with his dark skin.\r\nI suddenly remembered what Edward had said when he dropped me off †that Jacob would tell me whatever he was shouting in his head. I started gnawing on my lip.\r\nâ€Å"Look,” Jacob said. â€Å"I was be after to do this a little bit differently.” He laughed, and it sounded like he was laughing at himself. â€Å"Smoother,” he added. â€Å"I was going to work up to it, but” †and he looked at the clouds, dimmer as the afternoon progressed †â€Å"Im out of time to work.”\r\nHe laughed again, nervous. We were still pace slowly.\r\nâ€Å"What are you talking about?” I demanded.\r\nHe took a deep breath. â€Å"I want to tell you something. And you already know it . . . but I think I should say it out loud anyway. Just so theres never any confusion on the subject.”\r\nI p lanted my feet, and he came to a stop. I took my hand away and folded my arms across my chest. I was suddenly sure that I didnt want to know what he was building up to.\r\nJacobs eyebrows pulled down, throwing his deep-set eyes into shadow. They were pitch black as they bored into mine.\r\nâ€Å"Im in love with you, Bella,” Jacob said in a strong, sure voice. â€Å"Bella, I love you. And I want you to pick me instead of him. I know you dont feel that way, but I need the truth out there so that you know your options. I wouldnt want a miscommunication to stand in our way.”\r\n'